forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
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I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize