look no pants
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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