Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize