I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
a search helicopter?!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
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You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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