i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize