Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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