I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We named our party play list daddy issues
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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