everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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