Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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