I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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