i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
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They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
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HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You almost got us killed.
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