Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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