When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
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Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
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No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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