Already got asked if we're dating
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize