if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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