I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
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Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
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My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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