im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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