non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
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I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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