party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize