matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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