I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
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i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
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It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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