I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
50% drunk capacity currently
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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