I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize