okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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