dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
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Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
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I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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