your thong is hanging out like whoa
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
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Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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