I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
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You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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