I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
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