i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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