shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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