yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
So here I am, sexting at work.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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