who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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