good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
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I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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