she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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