I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize