Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
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