Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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