never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
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Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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