I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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