You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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