69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize