rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you will always have a special place in my vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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