i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
worst night to have a conscience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize