I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
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Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
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When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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