And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
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She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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