so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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