Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
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I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
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Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I need a beard to bite.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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