I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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