mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
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