1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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